First Circle

I've decided

If hell is real

And I go there when I die

It will be me

In a badly lit dressing room

Surrounded by mirrors

Trying on clothes 

For eternity

Entanglement

I miss good television. The Cosby Show. Growing Pains. Fraggle Rock. My So-Called Life. I miss life without constant technology. I miss telephones without apps and touchscreens. I miss life offline. I miss food that isn't genetically modified. $1.50 for a gallons of gas. Books made out of paper. Having a pen pal who I'd never met before. I miss simplicity.

F. Scott's words of wisdom

Dear Mama

It happens more when it's quiet

When everything is standing still

Once again, I realize you're gone

I guess it'll never seem real.

There's never a day that goes by,

That I don't want to call you,

To ask you and tell you so much.

I need more moments, just a few

The last time I saw you I thought,

Maybe you were tired - so I'd leave you alone.

I left without a hug, a thought to call later,

I got too busy and never picked up the phone.

Only hours later - my world stopped spinning 

How could I have lost you again?

This time you'd be gone forever.

How could it be your end?

I look at my little boy, the

one you always called your baby

And I hurt that he won't know you.

How you loved him so completely.

I promise to tell him about you.

But only if I can.

Right now it's not something I can do.

I need you here to hold my hand.

I don't know if most realize, 

What it's like to lose a part of your soul.

Losing the one who made you,

It's your love that kept me whole

Right now I can't manage to write.

My eyes are filling with tears.

You know I can't stand that weakness.

I've got to get through this year.

I'll see you again in my dreams.

When you come to check on me.

And I'll hug you and forget,

Completely, the reality.

Mommy Wars

There seems to be a war between Mothers. We all judge each other so harshly. The jr. high cattiness is still pervasive among women, except it is dressed up with pretty words on blogs. I see so many posts (usually by the self-proclaimed "natural" mamas) that ooze judgement on the rest of us that don't choose the road they have chosen. I'm all for a Woman's Right to Choose. I have my own opinions, and if you ask for them, I'll hand them out readily, because I do love hearing how smart I sound, even if I don't...in reality..and I seldom do. I'm not going to shove it down your throat and try to make you feel bad for what you choose, because LAWD knows that someone out there will cringe with the choices that I've made and will continue to make. I say we end the Mommy Wars. We all need to support each other.

1. Breast is Best. Yes, I do believe this. I nursed my child for 19 months and I am damn proud of it as I should be. It's not an easy feat and I DID IT. Pat me on the back. However; if you choose to use formula it is none of my damn business, now is it?
2. Disposable Diapers - Used 'em. Loved 'em. Will continue to use 'em. I do not have enough time to worry with my carbon foot print or the extra loads of laundry. PLEASE for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY quit shoving the damn things down my throat.
3. Home/Natural Birth - Yes, I realize that our bodies were designed to birth babies and I sometimes I wonder if I should have tried instead of instantly jumping for the epi. But, I didn't. Not sure if I really would have. Back labor pains are like someone taking an ax to your lower back every two minutes. F THAT SH*IT. I know less meds = better for baby. I am not stupid. My kid is just fine though, no extra head.
4. Organic/Home grown Food - Once again, it comes down to time and money. I work full time. No extra hours in the day to tend to a garden because I am busy running around after a toddler or trying to keep my house from looking like Chernobyl. Organic is just a $$$ issue, plus my child takes offense at anything healthy but fruit.
5. Working vs. Stay at home mothers - We know your job is hard. We know this man. We work 40+ hours a week, while tending a house, and making sure the rug rats stay alive and dealing with a husband. That's hard too lady, so leave your judgement at home about how you could NEVER do that to your children. We generally have no choice, got it?
6. No BPA...or any other chemicals - DEAR LAWD. I know this stuff is bad for my child. For me. My husband. What the hell do you want me to do? Have us live in a bubble, where we only have cloth diapers to wear and organic food to eat? Would that appease your incessant babbling?

I must stop myself. This has become a rant against those self-possessed mothers who do not have the ability to look outside their glass house.

Really. I don't judge. Too much.

Thank you Jill Conner Browne for extoling your infinite wisdom.

If you haven't read The Sweet Potato Queens Books of Love , you must run out immediately and get it. Or order it online. Or borrow if from a friend. I don't care. Just do it. It will change your life or at least make your laugh your ass off. You'll love me for it. I swear! I really shouldn't swear. Southern ladies don't swear. Good thing I'm not a lady in any way, shape, form or fashion. My mama and grandmother just don't know where they went wrong. Enjoy the teaser below!

“There are five different kinds of men you must endeavor to have in your life at all times in order to have the equivalent of one completely satisfactory man…[because] it is clearly not possible to find all the required attributes in one single man, and we should not expend needless energy by even looking for him…

The Basic Five are these:

1. A man who can fix things.
2. A man you can dance with.
3. A man who can pay for things.
4. A man you can talk to.
5. A man to have great sex with.

 "This is the rudimentary team you need to form… certainly other functions can be added to suit your more refined tastes, but with this starting lineup, you can at least avoid abject misery.”